dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
