We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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