She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
