Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
