Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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