mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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