finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
