There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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