i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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