there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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