I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
