All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
