if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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