Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
