someone get that fucking seahorse.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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