Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
