u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
