I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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