at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
