I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
