Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
BRING THE BAGELS
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
