I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
