he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
