I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
