I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
