the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
