remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
