tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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