we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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