based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
