You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
