When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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