Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
