I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
