is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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