based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Randomize
