doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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