She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
how drunk are you?
Several
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
