The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
