"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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