He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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