I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
