I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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