No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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