I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize