my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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