Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do herpes really smell.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize