Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You should frame my arrest warrant.
as a side note pls kill me
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