Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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