I have demons in me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im holly from the hills drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
MIDGETS
????
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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