he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
