Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
