Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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