Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Too much gin, very little bucket
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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