I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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