you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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