I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
