Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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