God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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