That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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