Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
