i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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