would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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