And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You've changed since you got that strap on
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
