Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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