the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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