i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
