covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
