I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
