member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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