I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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