At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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