May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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