WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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