You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
