i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
