Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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