Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
