Please, let me fuck your mom
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
