Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
