It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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