arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Two words: blizzard sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
