i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
