i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
