Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Mom said you looked used
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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