I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
