I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
