Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
