I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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