you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
