I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
