As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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