Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
