Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
