Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
