youre lurking in front of me
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
