I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
