Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This toilet bowl is my home.
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