So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
