He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I need to align my fucking chakras
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
