Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
