The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
