look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
