They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
