I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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