I haven't been this sober since birth.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
