I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
