Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
