dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize