Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
