but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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